Faith

I’m a Catholic person. I have faith in God and nobody or nothing is gonna take that away from me. Perhaps the only thing that I’m quite sure in my life is about my faith in God. I like going to church but I’m not a regular church-goer. The few times a year that I go to church I feel better after the ceremony (though I don’t really understand why I don’t go there regularly). One of the reasons could be the fact that when I’m saying the prayers, every time I mention the part “and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us”, I feel I’m lying to God and I’m lying to myself either.
I can forgive people because I know I also make mistakes and I’d like to be forgiven for that. We all deserve a second chance, but there are limits. There are things that can’t be forgiven. There are people who would not deserve to be forgiven. I can’t forgive and forget. People can hurt you a lot and it won’t be fair to make them the things easier. It’s not easy to forget…
Of course that I’m talking about people who have done too much damage to a person (because I don’t wanna be misunderstood), there a things that can be solved with a talk, and it’s not that easy. So I feel I’m not being honest with God, and another reason for not going frequently to church is that I feel he knows what I’m doing (well, of course he knows). He knows I’m lying to him. He knows I’m not gonna change that feeling and I feel guilty. Will he forgive me for that?... I don’t know… probably he will, and that makes me feel guiltier…