Hasta el día de hoy reniego por no saber expresarme, por no saber hablar de mis problemas, de cómo me siento. Algunas veces quiero gritar pero un nudo enorme en mi garganta me lo impide, entonces es ahí cuando siento que mi alrededor estalla y me convierto en un ser vulnerable.
¿Alguna vez sintieron que después de una caída no se pudieron levantar? Que golpe tras golpe mas y mas cuesta levantarse? Bueno, así me he sentido estos últimos días. Me esta costando levantarme. No se si es el miedo a volver a caer y por eso es que prefiero seguir así o sino no se, que alguien me lo explique. Nunca antes me sentí tan débil, tan incapaz. Todo me esta saliendo mal y no lo soporto porque no me siento capaz de lidiar con mis fracasos. Todo esto me pone más irritable que de costumbre y por lo tanto peleo con todo el mundo que no me entiende y trato mal a todo aquel que me tiene paciencia y eso no esta nada bien porque no se lo merecen.
Me sorprende realmente dejarme ganar así de fácil y al mismo tiempo me siento una hipócrita porque siempre digo que tras una caída hay que levantarse e intentarlo de nuevo. Aquí es cuando me doy cuenta que ni siquiera a mi misma me escucho.
Son muy pocas las ganas que tengo de levantarme de la cama. Trato de pensar como puedo hacer para encontrar la forma de cambiar esta situación pero no se por donde empezar. Realmente necesito un cambio en mi vida. Me canse de ser lo que soy. Así que por favor, que alguien me pegue un tiro así esta Carolina desaparezca y una nueva vuelva a nacer. Se lo voy a agradecer a quienquiera hacerlo.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Friday, October 9, 2009
Work
Having a good job is what makes people feel the security that they will have a comfortable style of life. Some people have the possibility to achieve their aims and have their dreamed jobs; in other cases people have to deal with the feeling of boredom and lack of satisfaction for not having the ideal job they would like to have. In ‘Work’, four writers explore what is interesting, boring, dangerous and exciting about people’s working lives.
Jane Mckie’s poem ‘Tin Quartet’ refers to those jobs that no longer exist and tells the story of a harsh and uncomfortable occupation. The poem also makes reference to working in very bad conditions and this fact reminds me of a situation that I noticed while I was doing the subject Trabajo de Campo in second year. I remember my group and I had to observe an English lesson in Escuela de Comercio Nº 3 and the teacher was really nice with us. The thing is that there was not enough physical space and the students sat uncomfortably. The board was all written and there was very little space left where the teacher wrote whatever was necessary. It was also too hot and they did not have a fan either. It was evident that none of them were cosy there. Then we spoke with the teacher and she told us that unfortunately students are victims of bureaucracy and we, as future teachers will have to learn to work with the little resources we may have.
In the two short stories ‘The Secret Life of Dads’ and ‘Seagulls’ I could notice that they both make reference to work and identity and also to power, expectations and disappointment. In ‘Seagulls’, when the protagonist, who is a puppeteer, talks about not having much luck in the job he has chosen. This reminds about my parents’ expectations when I told them the career I wanted to follow. They said that I was going to be underpaid and that because of my temperament it was going to be very difficult for me to deal with children and adolescents. Thanks God this have changed and in the last years I became in a person much more patient and I learnt to deal with adolescents and in the case of working with children, I have realised that working with them means coming back to my childhood and I really enjoy teaching them. They have something special that when I spend time with them I feel full of life…I feel happier.
Some people work because they have needs. They have responsibilities and though they do not like what they do, they do it anyway because it is just a job for them. For some others, and I include myself, our work shape our identity, making our labour significant and part of our every day lives. I have to say that I consider my job a blessing. I have the pleasure to teach people, especially children and I feel I am being part of the development of our future, and that makes me feel very proud of. Sometimes people ask me why I chose this career and the first thing I answer is ‘because I enjoy it’, and I think that it is great when you do what you like and what you enjoy, and that is what I feel about my work. I love it and the love that I have for the English language becomes me in someone more patient and helps me to encourage and motivate my students to learn it. The day that nobody enjoys my classes I will seriously consider giving up as I would not like my students to feel they are obliged to stay in my classes. I want to transmit the same passion I have for this language, otherwise I will put an end to this.
Jane Mckie’s poem ‘Tin Quartet’ refers to those jobs that no longer exist and tells the story of a harsh and uncomfortable occupation. The poem also makes reference to working in very bad conditions and this fact reminds me of a situation that I noticed while I was doing the subject Trabajo de Campo in second year. I remember my group and I had to observe an English lesson in Escuela de Comercio Nº 3 and the teacher was really nice with us. The thing is that there was not enough physical space and the students sat uncomfortably. The board was all written and there was very little space left where the teacher wrote whatever was necessary. It was also too hot and they did not have a fan either. It was evident that none of them were cosy there. Then we spoke with the teacher and she told us that unfortunately students are victims of bureaucracy and we, as future teachers will have to learn to work with the little resources we may have.
In the two short stories ‘The Secret Life of Dads’ and ‘Seagulls’ I could notice that they both make reference to work and identity and also to power, expectations and disappointment. In ‘Seagulls’, when the protagonist, who is a puppeteer, talks about not having much luck in the job he has chosen. This reminds about my parents’ expectations when I told them the career I wanted to follow. They said that I was going to be underpaid and that because of my temperament it was going to be very difficult for me to deal with children and adolescents. Thanks God this have changed and in the last years I became in a person much more patient and I learnt to deal with adolescents and in the case of working with children, I have realised that working with them means coming back to my childhood and I really enjoy teaching them. They have something special that when I spend time with them I feel full of life…I feel happier.
Some people work because they have needs. They have responsibilities and though they do not like what they do, they do it anyway because it is just a job for them. For some others, and I include myself, our work shape our identity, making our labour significant and part of our every day lives. I have to say that I consider my job a blessing. I have the pleasure to teach people, especially children and I feel I am being part of the development of our future, and that makes me feel very proud of. Sometimes people ask me why I chose this career and the first thing I answer is ‘because I enjoy it’, and I think that it is great when you do what you like and what you enjoy, and that is what I feel about my work. I love it and the love that I have for the English language becomes me in someone more patient and helps me to encourage and motivate my students to learn it. The day that nobody enjoys my classes I will seriously consider giving up as I would not like my students to feel they are obliged to stay in my classes. I want to transmit the same passion I have for this language, otherwise I will put an end to this.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
My last entry =(
I´m just about to finish my portfolio and this is my last piece of writing that I need to complete my fifty entries so as my neurons are already slept and my creativity has been exploited, I have nothing else to say but THIS IS THE LAST ONE!!!
Questions
NAME: Carolina
AGE:26:(
COUNTRY:Argentina:)
PETS: A cat called Brian,that never stays at home,1 German Shepherd called Tommy and that I love him, and a little black dog called Nico,which if weren’t for my mother I wouldn’t have realized he was a boxer :S
FRIENDS: I don’t have a million of friends(as the song says) but I love them very much and I thank God for each one of them.
CAREER: I’m on the road to become a teacherJ
MUSIC: I liked listening to music...I think it is one of the most pleasures in life
FOOD: well, What can I say?? I love food in general
LOVE: My family, friends and don’t expect me to give any name =P
And weel,that’s it...I don’t have enough time to think about more questions. Next Time I’ll think about much more questions.
AGE:26:(
COUNTRY:Argentina:)
PETS: A cat called Brian,that never stays at home,1 German Shepherd called Tommy and that I love him, and a little black dog called Nico,which if weren’t for my mother I wouldn’t have realized he was a boxer :S
FRIENDS: I don’t have a million of friends(as the song says) but I love them very much and I thank God for each one of them.
CAREER: I’m on the road to become a teacherJ
MUSIC: I liked listening to music...I think it is one of the most pleasures in life
FOOD: well, What can I say?? I love food in general
LOVE: My family, friends and don’t expect me to give any name =P
And weel,that’s it...I don’t have enough time to think about more questions. Next Time I’ll think about much more questions.
Losing my fears
For many years I have had a sort of burden on my shoulders. Something huge that didn`t let me be happy. But as the time went by, I met people who became my friends and somehow they helped me to overcome those fears.
Now I feel much more confident with myself and I know that I can count on them whenever I need it. I really thank God for giving me the opportunity to live my life again and to have such great people as friends with me.
Now I feel much more confident with myself and I know that I can count on them whenever I need it. I really thank God for giving me the opportunity to live my life again and to have such great people as friends with me.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Wondering about...
Wondering about all those things that
could happen in my life.
Wondering about all those wishes
that are just about to come true.
Wondering about those feelings
that don’t want to come to light.
Wondering about the desire
that is present but somehow wants to hide.
could happen in my life.
Wondering about all those wishes
that are just about to come true.
Wondering about those feelings
that don’t want to come to light.
Wondering about the desire
that is present but somehow wants to hide.
Paco
Last Friday I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop just to three blocks from my house and a little child (perhaps he was seven or eight) with reddish eyes came close to me.
I thought he was going to steal my bag ‘cause he has his eyes fixed on it and I think he would have done it but if it weren’t for one of my neighbors who saw what was going to happen and he stayed there with me( which I appreciate it for that). When he stood up right there next to me,the child just went away. Then an elderly woman arrived to the bus stop and started talking to me she told me that child was high and that he had been consuming paco.She told me he was 7 years old and that his parents didn’t pay him attention (which seemed to be rather obvious). When I asked the old lady how she knew the child was using that kind of drug, she said ‘because my neighbours sell it and I had seen him buying that stuff there’. Just as if she were talking about sweets and cakes!.
Now my question is,what do the goverment and these children’s parents are waiting for? It is known who are the people who sell and traffic thins kind of drug so why doesn’t government take into account these things? Children die everyday for the high toxicity that leads consumers to lose their minds.
And their addiction has taken them to robber,steal or even to kill people in order to get some money to afford the drugs. This situations is unbearable and harsh laws should be applied to fight with this.
I thought he was going to steal my bag ‘cause he has his eyes fixed on it and I think he would have done it but if it weren’t for one of my neighbors who saw what was going to happen and he stayed there with me( which I appreciate it for that). When he stood up right there next to me,the child just went away. Then an elderly woman arrived to the bus stop and started talking to me she told me that child was high and that he had been consuming paco.She told me he was 7 years old and that his parents didn’t pay him attention (which seemed to be rather obvious). When I asked the old lady how she knew the child was using that kind of drug, she said ‘because my neighbours sell it and I had seen him buying that stuff there’. Just as if she were talking about sweets and cakes!.
Now my question is,what do the goverment and these children’s parents are waiting for? It is known who are the people who sell and traffic thins kind of drug so why doesn’t government take into account these things? Children die everyday for the high toxicity that leads consumers to lose their minds.
And their addiction has taken them to robber,steal or even to kill people in order to get some money to afford the drugs. This situations is unbearable and harsh laws should be applied to fight with this.
Friendship
To be honest, I don`t have hundreds of friends, but I appreciate with all my soul the few ones I have. It`s fummy how I met each one of them. For some reason those encounters happened and I love each one of them. I have thousands and thousands of anecdotes and I keep them in my soul.
Going out for a drink or staying at home to drink mate...anything can be an excellent excuse to see them. A couple of weeks I met a group of boys who are great people and that I already consider them my friends. It is nice to make new friends and they are welcomed to my world. Having wonderful friends as I have is one of the best things that happened in my life.
Going out for a drink or staying at home to drink mate...anything can be an excellent excuse to see them. A couple of weeks I met a group of boys who are great people and that I already consider them my friends. It is nice to make new friends and they are welcomed to my world. Having wonderful friends as I have is one of the best things that happened in my life.
Trapped
Trapped in my dreams
and in those nightmares
that come from time to time.
Trapped in my mind
and in all the thoughts
that I want to left behind.
Trapped in your lips
and in all those kisses
that made me lose my mind.
Trapped in my heart
and in all those feelings
that came just to change my life.
and in those nightmares
that come from time to time.
Trapped in my mind
and in all the thoughts
that I want to left behind.
Trapped in your lips
and in all those kisses
that made me lose my mind.
Trapped in my heart
and in all those feelings
that came just to change my life.
Honesty
I can’t believe there are people who can’t say the truth and there are also people who do not want to be told the truth. I don’t know what is worst. Sometimes I wonder why it is that happens and till now I haven’t found any answer. Maybe they don’t want to say the truth to not hurt anybody or it could also be that they’re not courageous enough to say it. In the case of people who prefer not to be told the truth, it could be that they don’t want to face it. They prefer to be told lies than to face the reality. They live in a world of lies and it is incredible that many of them can live with that. Well, I think it is really sad to know that.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Tired of who she is when she is with him
It’s incredible how a person can change the life of another one and yes, she has to admit it, the first time she met him was while she was chatting with some frinds online. As she is not quite a nice person(not even online), when he asked her whether she had a boyfriend or not, she answered ‘no,but let me guess, now you’re going to start telling me nice things just because am I single? C’mon, you don’t have to’ and he just laughed and told her she seemed to be one of those people who immediately know what kind of people they’re talking to.
Months have passed and they met for the first time. It was quite nice to meet someone like him because since the very first moment they saw, they got on well each other. She has to admit it. She knows she’s not an easy going person. Her best friend says she has a special personality but she knows that means she’s someone difficult to deal with. Just a few people have the ability to deal with her and he is one of them. She also has to recognize that despite of being ten years alone and having the idea of being a single woman forever, she couldn’t help it but to have the illusion of starting something with him and having a relationship.
Complications arrived immediately and came together with confussion. She couldn’t accept to be an option for him and she put an end to what they had. She felt really bad to know that nothing that she thought of would come true.
Besides all that situation, she still was in touch with him and they decided to be friends again (just as they started). From time to time he wanted to talk about them but she managed to let him very clear that there was no ‘them’ anymore and he just laughed. He always says she is not sensitive enough to talk about that kind of things.
Anyway, these last weeks they have been talking about try it again. Well, he wants to try it again but she’s not quite sure about it. They are too different and they have different purposes in life. I mean, he is an incredible person and she loves him very much as a friend. He knows things about her that she could never tell to anyone else. He understands her crazy thoughts and she really feels sure of everything when he’s with her but she doesn’t want to start all over again. But despite of all the things I’m saying now, when she talks to him she feels someone else. It’s like she can’t do what she thinks. She doesn’t want to surrender to him. She doesn’t want him to feel able to manage to deal with her. Don’t ask her why but she just hate that.
Months have passed and they met for the first time. It was quite nice to meet someone like him because since the very first moment they saw, they got on well each other. She has to admit it. She knows she’s not an easy going person. Her best friend says she has a special personality but she knows that means she’s someone difficult to deal with. Just a few people have the ability to deal with her and he is one of them. She also has to recognize that despite of being ten years alone and having the idea of being a single woman forever, she couldn’t help it but to have the illusion of starting something with him and having a relationship.
Complications arrived immediately and came together with confussion. She couldn’t accept to be an option for him and she put an end to what they had. She felt really bad to know that nothing that she thought of would come true.
Besides all that situation, she still was in touch with him and they decided to be friends again (just as they started). From time to time he wanted to talk about them but she managed to let him very clear that there was no ‘them’ anymore and he just laughed. He always says she is not sensitive enough to talk about that kind of things.
Anyway, these last weeks they have been talking about try it again. Well, he wants to try it again but she’s not quite sure about it. They are too different and they have different purposes in life. I mean, he is an incredible person and she loves him very much as a friend. He knows things about her that she could never tell to anyone else. He understands her crazy thoughts and she really feels sure of everything when he’s with her but she doesn’t want to start all over again. But despite of all the things I’m saying now, when she talks to him she feels someone else. It’s like she can’t do what she thinks. She doesn’t want to surrender to him. She doesn’t want him to feel able to manage to deal with her. Don’t ask her why but she just hate that.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Loneliness
When she was an adolescent, she was the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Always having good manners, spoke softly and her innocense reflected in her eyes. Unfortunately she fell in love with a guy who did not value and her life was not going to be the same. Years passed and now being a grown-up woman, she met a man who could have been the love of her life but he wasn’t. He only was her first man but once that happened, he cowardly ran away, since then, she promised herself to never fall in love again and to have just sexual encounters with different men. She says herself she is a mean girl and she loves to think about that but I really know her and I know she is still waiting for her prince to come and rescue her from the island where she is now.
Seize the day
I can’t remember how many times I have heard the words ‘seize the day’ in books, articles, movies, etc. As a huge fan of books and considering ‘Death poets society’ as one of my favourite ones, I have to say that the message that some books leave in your life should be taken into account.
These last days I have learnt about some people I know are dealing with different diseases and some of them are terminal illnesses. Knowing this I wonder about what they think about it; whether they’re sad, hopeful, positive or negative and how their life has changed since the moment they learnt they were ill.
Though I know what I have is not a terminal disease, I know that if the tumour becomes a malign one, that may change my expectations of getting better. I don’t want to be dramatic but there are times that I think what would happen if...and that’s not good, I start thinking about things I shouldn’t and I would like to follow the message of ‘enjoy every day as if it were the last’. It’s like I don’t want to think about the end but I feel that I need to do something. I don’t want to regret for not doing the things I want. I don’t wanna spend my life being afraid of everything... I think I have lots and lots of things in my little head and I can’t put my thoughts in order. I hope to change that.
These last days I have learnt about some people I know are dealing with different diseases and some of them are terminal illnesses. Knowing this I wonder about what they think about it; whether they’re sad, hopeful, positive or negative and how their life has changed since the moment they learnt they were ill.
Though I know what I have is not a terminal disease, I know that if the tumour becomes a malign one, that may change my expectations of getting better. I don’t want to be dramatic but there are times that I think what would happen if...and that’s not good, I start thinking about things I shouldn’t and I would like to follow the message of ‘enjoy every day as if it were the last’. It’s like I don’t want to think about the end but I feel that I need to do something. I don’t want to regret for not doing the things I want. I don’t wanna spend my life being afraid of everything... I think I have lots and lots of things in my little head and I can’t put my thoughts in order. I hope to change that.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Those wishes of going away came to stay...
It has passed almost a month since I had my great holidays in the north of my country and that sensation of wanting to come there is still present. But don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I want to continue my vacations; I think I want to go away and stay away from anything. I’d like to throw my mobile phone, delete my email account and have contact with no one. I know this can be pretty much selfish but I really need that break. I feel like my mind is going to explode in any moment and I don’t want that.
Hypocrisy
I think one of the things I can’t bear is when someone is hipocrite. I really hate that. I’ve always acted according to what I think and if I do something wrong I try to mend that mistake. I do not consider myself a perfect person, I’m aware I have lots and lots of flaws but I try to change them. These last days I have learnt that some people that I love so much have been quite hipocrite in different situations. They have been the typical ones who feel indignant for other people’s actions and they do the same actions and I think it’s worse when that happens. If you do something that you know it’s wrong, well face it. Don’t throw the stone and then hide your hands. But wait, I’m not judging people for their actions, I’m just saying that it’s better to see first what kind of people you are and then criticize and try to keep your mouthshut next time.
Drugs
In my country, Argentina,drugs’ consumption is considered illegal and it is forbidden.
However, Argentina is adopting a liberal attitude toward recreational drug use and personal use of illicit substances sems to be decriminalize in the following months.
Our country has the highest percentage of people who consume drugs.The substance that is the easiest to get and that is cheaper and more dangerous than the rest is paco,which is a highly addictive chemical byproduct of cocaine production.This drug affects the poor especially and Government is not doing anything to stop this.
Argentine President Mrs Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner said she dislikes the fact that people who have addiction problems be condemned as if they were criminals. She thinks the ones that should be persecuted are the ones who sell and traffic the substances.I have to say that partly I agree with our President, people who traffic and sell illicit substances should be severally punished. However, people with addiction problems shoud be treated.
Instead of being sent to jail, they should be sent to make a treatment in rehab institutions that the state should provide for them. I think that the decriminalization of the personal use of illicit substances may lead people to abuse of them and that is why this proposal should not happen.
However, Argentina is adopting a liberal attitude toward recreational drug use and personal use of illicit substances sems to be decriminalize in the following months.
Our country has the highest percentage of people who consume drugs.The substance that is the easiest to get and that is cheaper and more dangerous than the rest is paco,which is a highly addictive chemical byproduct of cocaine production.This drug affects the poor especially and Government is not doing anything to stop this.
Argentine President Mrs Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner said she dislikes the fact that people who have addiction problems be condemned as if they were criminals. She thinks the ones that should be persecuted are the ones who sell and traffic the substances.I have to say that partly I agree with our President, people who traffic and sell illicit substances should be severally punished. However, people with addiction problems shoud be treated.
Instead of being sent to jail, they should be sent to make a treatment in rehab institutions that the state should provide for them. I think that the decriminalization of the personal use of illicit substances may lead people to abuse of them and that is why this proposal should not happen.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Countdown
In eleven days I will be having my language exam and you have no idea how I feel under pressure. But don’t get me wrong, nobody is pressing me but myself. Suddenly I have realized that I need to finish my career. I really want to get my degree but I also think that having so much pressure can make me feel much more nervous by the time I have to sit for the exam. It’s like I know that I have to be relax when I be having my exam but I can’t help the sensation of being under pressure.
Frustration...
Tired of looking for a topic for my entry I found out a blog where Chris Brogan suggests some blog topics to write and one of those topics was ‘when I feel frustrated...’ and then I wondered myself ‘How do I feel when I feel frustrated?’...well, it is not that difficult to say that when I do something that it is not enough for me it’s unavoidable to feel that I’m failing in what I’m suppossed to do it well. That just drives me mad and my mood changes for the worst. Everything becomes a huge tragedy for me and I tend to exaggerate, I get mad with myself and the story gets worse.
I’m not accostumed to failing and everytime that happens I get furious with myself, but once those feelings go away I feel much better and I understand that the best I can do is to focus on improving in those things I have failed.
I’m not accostumed to failing and everytime that happens I get furious with myself, but once those feelings go away I feel much better and I understand that the best I can do is to focus on improving in those things I have failed.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Mother&son
When she held him, he was the happiest person in the world. Their love was so huge that nobody could interfere between them. He heard her and he felt safer. She spoke to him and he smiled. Everything was new for both of them. They barely had enough time to meet each other but they had a great union that it was impossible to broke.
Santino
He is so tiny that I’d like to carry him in my pocket. He was born exactly one week ago and he is my nephew; his name is Santino.
Yesterday I went to my cousin’s house to meet him and I fell in love with him. He is so tiny,and quiet and so beautiful that I really loved to see his little eyes stuck in his mother everytime she said a word. When he started to cry, his mother held him and spoke to him and he just smiled and relaxed. It is incredible how someone so small can change your life so my dear cousin Daniela, as I told you yesterday, you’re very lucky to have him and enjoy every moment you spend with him.. I love you both!
Yesterday I went to my cousin’s house to meet him and I fell in love with him. He is so tiny,and quiet and so beautiful that I really loved to see his little eyes stuck in his mother everytime she said a word. When he started to cry, his mother held him and spoke to him and he just smiled and relaxed. It is incredible how someone so small can change your life so my dear cousin Daniela, as I told you yesterday, you’re very lucky to have him and enjoy every moment you spend with him.. I love you both!
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