Tired of who she is when she is with him

It’s incredible how a person can change the life of another one and yes, she has to admit it, the first time she met him was while she was chatting with some frinds online. As she is not quite a nice person(not even online), when he asked her whether she had a boyfriend or not, she answered ‘no,but let me guess, now you’re going to start telling me nice things just because am I single? C’mon, you don’t have to’ and he just laughed and told her she seemed to be one of those people who immediately know what kind of people they’re talking to.
Months have passed and they met for the first time. It was quite nice to meet someone like him because since the very first moment they saw, they got on well each other. She has to admit it. She knows she’s not an easy going person. Her best friend says she has a special personality but she knows that means she’s someone difficult to deal with. Just a few people have the ability to deal with her and he is one of them. She also has to recognize that despite of being ten years alone and having the idea of being a single woman forever, she couldn’t help it but to have the illusion of starting something with him and having a relationship.
Complications arrived immediately and came together with confussion. She couldn’t accept to be an option for him and she put an end to what they had. She felt really bad to know that nothing that she thought of would come true.
Besides all that situation, she still was in touch with him and they decided to be friends again (just as they started). From time to time he wanted to talk about them but she managed to let him very clear that there was no ‘them’ anymore and he just laughed. He always says she is not sensitive enough to talk about that kind of things.
Anyway, these last weeks they have been talking about try it again. Well, he wants to try it again but she’s not quite sure about it. They are too different and they have different purposes in life. I mean, he is an incredible person and she loves him very much as a friend. He knows things about her that she could never tell to anyone else. He understands her crazy thoughts and she really feels sure of everything when he’s with her but she doesn’t want to start all over again. But despite of all the things I’m saying now, when she talks to him she feels someone else. It’s like she can’t do what she thinks. She doesn’t want to surrender to him. She doesn’t want him to feel able to manage to deal with her. Don’t ask her why but she just hate that.