Losing my fears

For many years I have had a sort of burden on my shoulders. Something huge that didn`t let me be happy. But as the time went by, I met people who became my friends and somehow they helped me to overcome those fears.
Now I feel much more confident with myself and I know that I can count on them whenever I need it. I really thank God for giving me the opportunity to live my life again and to have such great people as friends with me.

Wondering about...

Wondering about all those things that
could happen in my life.
Wondering about all those wishes
that are just about to come true.
Wondering about those feelings
that don’t want to come to light.
Wondering about the desire
that is present but somehow wants to hide.

Paco

Last Friday I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop just to three blocks from my house and a little child (perhaps he was seven or eight) with reddish eyes came close to me.
I thought he was going to steal my bag ‘cause he has his eyes fixed on it and I think he would have done it but if it weren’t for one of my neighbors who saw what was going to happen and he stayed there with me( which I appreciate it for that). When he stood up right there next to me,the child just went away. Then an elderly woman arrived to the bus stop and started talking to me she told me that child was high and that he had been consuming paco.She told me he was 7 years old and that his parents didn’t pay him attention (which seemed to be rather obvious). When I asked the old lady how she knew the child was using that kind of drug, she said ‘because my neighbours sell it and I had seen him buying that stuff there’. Just as if she were talking about sweets and cakes!.
Now my question is,what do the goverment and these children’s parents are waiting for? It is known who are the people who sell and traffic thins kind of drug so why doesn’t government take into account these things? Children die everyday for the high toxicity that leads consumers to lose their minds.
And their addiction has taken them to robber,steal or even to kill people in order to get some money to afford the drugs. This situations is unbearable and harsh laws should be applied to fight with this.

Friendship

To be honest, I don`t have hundreds of friends, but I appreciate with all my soul the few ones I have. It`s fummy how I met each one of them. For some reason those encounters happened and I love each one of them. I have thousands and thousands of anecdotes and I keep them in my soul.
Going out for a drink or staying at home to drink mate...anything can be an excellent excuse to see them. A couple of weeks I met a group of boys who are great people and that I already consider them my friends. It is nice to make new friends and they are welcomed to my world. Having wonderful friends as I have is one of the best things that happened in my life.

Trapped

Trapped in my dreams
and in those nightmares
that come from time to time.
Trapped in my mind
and in all the thoughts
that I want to left behind.
Trapped in your lips
and in all those kisses
that made me lose my mind.
Trapped in my heart
and in all those feelings
that came just to change my life.

Honesty

I can’t believe there are people who can’t say the truth and there are also people who do not want to be told the truth. I don’t know what is worst. Sometimes I wonder why it is that happens and till now I haven’t found any answer. Maybe they don’t want to say the truth to not hurt anybody or it could also be that they’re not courageous enough to say it. In the case of people who prefer not to be told the truth, it could be that they don’t want to face it. They prefer to be told lies than to face the reality. They live in a world of lies and it is incredible that many of them can live with that. Well, I think it is really sad to know that.

Tired of who she is when she is with him

It’s incredible how a person can change the life of another one and yes, she has to admit it, the first time she met him was while she was chatting with some frinds online. As she is not quite a nice person(not even online), when he asked her whether she had a boyfriend or not, she answered ‘no,but let me guess, now you’re going to start telling me nice things just because am I single? C’mon, you don’t have to’ and he just laughed and told her she seemed to be one of those people who immediately know what kind of people they’re talking to.
Months have passed and they met for the first time. It was quite nice to meet someone like him because since the very first moment they saw, they got on well each other. She has to admit it. She knows she’s not an easy going person. Her best friend says she has a special personality but she knows that means she’s someone difficult to deal with. Just a few people have the ability to deal with her and he is one of them. She also has to recognize that despite of being ten years alone and having the idea of being a single woman forever, she couldn’t help it but to have the illusion of starting something with him and having a relationship.
Complications arrived immediately and came together with confussion. She couldn’t accept to be an option for him and she put an end to what they had. She felt really bad to know that nothing that she thought of would come true.
Besides all that situation, she still was in touch with him and they decided to be friends again (just as they started). From time to time he wanted to talk about them but she managed to let him very clear that there was no ‘them’ anymore and he just laughed. He always says she is not sensitive enough to talk about that kind of things.
Anyway, these last weeks they have been talking about try it again. Well, he wants to try it again but she’s not quite sure about it. They are too different and they have different purposes in life. I mean, he is an incredible person and she loves him very much as a friend. He knows things about her that she could never tell to anyone else. He understands her crazy thoughts and she really feels sure of everything when he’s with her but she doesn’t want to start all over again. But despite of all the things I’m saying now, when she talks to him she feels someone else. It’s like she can’t do what she thinks. She doesn’t want to surrender to him. She doesn’t want him to feel able to manage to deal with her. Don’t ask her why but she just hate that.

Loneliness

When she was an adolescent, she was the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Always having good manners, spoke softly and her innocense reflected in her eyes. Unfortunately she fell in love with a guy who did not value and her life was not going to be the same. Years passed and now being a grown-up woman, she met a man who could have been the love of her life but he wasn’t. He only was her first man but once that happened, he cowardly ran away, since then, she promised herself to never fall in love again and to have just sexual encounters with different men. She says herself she is a mean girl and she loves to think about that but I really know her and I know she is still waiting for her prince to come and rescue her from the island where she is now.

Seize the day

I can’t remember how many times I have heard the words ‘seize the day’ in books, articles, movies, etc. As a huge fan of books and considering ‘Death poets society’ as one of my favourite ones, I have to say that the message that some books leave in your life should be taken into account.
These last days I have learnt about some people I know are dealing with different diseases and some of them are terminal illnesses. Knowing this I wonder about what they think about it; whether they’re sad, hopeful, positive or negative and how their life has changed since the moment they learnt they were ill.
Though I know what I have is not a terminal disease, I know that if the tumour becomes a malign one, that may change my expectations of getting better. I don’t want to be dramatic but there are times that I think what would happen if...and that’s not good, I start thinking about things I shouldn’t and I would like to follow the message of ‘enjoy every day as if it were the last’. It’s like I don’t want to think about the end but I feel that I need to do something. I don’t want to regret for not doing the things I want. I don’t wanna spend my life being afraid of everything... I think I have lots and lots of things in my little head and I can’t put my thoughts in order. I hope to change that.

Those wishes of going away came to stay...

It has passed almost a month since I had my great holidays in the north of my country and that sensation of wanting to come there is still present. But don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I want to continue my vacations; I think I want to go away and stay away from anything. I’d like to throw my mobile phone, delete my email account and have contact with no one. I know this can be pretty much selfish but I really need that break. I feel like my mind is going to explode in any moment and I don’t want that.

Hypocrisy

I think one of the things I can’t bear is when someone is hipocrite. I really hate that. I’ve always acted according to what I think and if I do something wrong I try to mend that mistake. I do not consider myself a perfect person, I’m aware I have lots and lots of flaws but I try to change them. These last days I have learnt that some people that I love so much have been quite hipocrite in different situations. They have been the typical ones who feel indignant for other people’s actions and they do the same actions and I think it’s worse when that happens. If you do something that you know it’s wrong, well face it. Don’t throw the stone and then hide your hands. But wait, I’m not judging people for their actions, I’m just saying that it’s better to see first what kind of people you are and then criticize and try to keep your mouthshut next time.

Drugs

In my country, Argentina,drugs’ consumption is considered illegal and it is forbidden.
However, Argentina is adopting a liberal attitude toward recreational drug use and personal use of illicit substances sems to be decriminalize in the following months.
Our country has the highest percentage of people who consume drugs.The substance that is the easiest to get and that is cheaper and more dangerous than the rest is paco,which is a highly addictive chemical byproduct of cocaine production.This drug affects the poor especially and Government is not doing anything to stop this.
Argentine President Mrs Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner said she dislikes the fact that people who have addiction problems be condemned as if they were criminals. She thinks the ones that should be persecuted are the ones who sell and traffic the substances.I have to say that partly I agree with our President, people who traffic and sell illicit substances should be severally punished. However, people with addiction problems shoud be treated.
Instead of being sent to jail, they should be sent to make a treatment in rehab institutions that the state should provide for them. I think that the decriminalization of the personal use of illicit substances may lead people to abuse of them and that is why this proposal should not happen.

Countdown

In eleven days I will be having my language exam and you have no idea how I feel under pressure. But don’t get me wrong, nobody is pressing me but myself. Suddenly I have realized that I need to finish my career. I really want to get my degree but I also think that having so much pressure can make me feel much more nervous by the time I have to sit for the exam. It’s like I know that I have to be relax when I be having my exam but I can’t help the sensation of being under pressure.

Frustration...

Tired of looking for a topic for my entry I found out a blog where Chris Brogan suggests some blog topics to write and one of those topics was ‘when I feel frustrated...’ and then I wondered myself ‘How do I feel when I feel frustrated?’...well, it is not that difficult to say that when I do something that it is not enough for me it’s unavoidable to feel that I’m failing in what I’m suppossed to do it well. That just drives me mad and my mood changes for the worst. Everything becomes a huge tragedy for me and I tend to exaggerate, I get mad with myself and the story gets worse.
I’m not accostumed to failing and everytime that happens I get furious with myself, but once those feelings go away I feel much better and I understand that the best I can do is to focus on improving in those things I have failed.

Mother&son

When she held him, he was the happiest person in the world. Their love was so huge that nobody could interfere between them. He heard her and he felt safer. She spoke to him and he smiled. Everything was new for both of them. They barely had enough time to meet each other but they had a great union that it was impossible to broke.

Santino

He is so tiny that I’d like to carry him in my pocket. He was born exactly one week ago and he is my nephew; his name is Santino.
Yesterday I went to my cousin’s house to meet him and I fell in love with him. He is so tiny,and quiet and so beautiful that I really loved to see his little eyes stuck in his mother everytime she said a word. When he started to cry, his mother held him and spoke to him and he just smiled and relaxed. It is incredible how someone so small can change your life so my dear cousin Daniela, as I told you yesterday, you’re very lucky to have him and enjoy every moment you spend with him.. I love you both!

Claustrophobia

I consider myself to be a strong woman. I have had to face many difficult situations in my life that little by little I’m getting over them. I always say to myself that I have to be strong and face the problem, but whenever you put me in a close room I forget about everything you’ve just read. It is incredible how mind works! I can be the most coherent person (?)when I feel I am ‘safe’ and I can breathe ‘without any problem’.
Thirteen months ago I had to do a magnetic resonance and it was the worst experience I had to go through. I don’t want to exaggerate but try to understand me, I was inside that little tube for almost an hour! I thought I was going to die! I remember the only thing I thought was how much oxygen there was left or how much time I had before starting to feel I couldn’t breathe! Of course, once I got out of it I couldn’t help it but I laughed so much that some people walking in the streets looked at me as if I were crazy. Well, I think they were not that wrong but anyway...I’m still alive!
Tomorrow I have to go through that experience again and you have no idea how much I hate it. I know nothing would help but only to remember that after a couple of minutes inside that tube I’ll be laughing again of myself.

Teachers

In a couple of months,hopefully,I’ll become a teacher. I don’t know if it may be something crazy but I’d like to be a super teacher. I dream about being a great teacher in a way that I can help my students in whatever they need and at the same time make them learn to love the English language.
During my life as a student, I have had different kinds of teachers ranging from those ones who underestimated students’capacities; another kind who treated students as if they were an annoyance; and those ones who exploded students’capacities and took out the best from them.
If I had to write a book with anecdotes with my teachers during my life as a student, I’d have dozens of stories to write about. Some of them make me feel ashame of myself and some others make me feel proud about. But I have to say that I’ve learnt from each one of them. I have learnt what a teacher should or should never do with their students. I have seen the best and the worst and I will take that into account the day I be in front of a class.

St.Valentine's Day

Spending Saint Valentine alone is almost a custome for me. Most of the times I took it just like an ordinary day. Sometimes, when I decide to go out on that day, I realize of how much I want to have a relationship and all the package that include to be in a relationship. But then the day comes to an end and I also realize of much I like and enjoy to be alone. It may be sad for some of you but I really feel happy as I am and that it is something important. Maybe in a near future it would be wonderful for me to find the love of my life, but I’m not waiting for him. If he comes, he comes and if not...well, it won’t be the end of the world.

Things that I have in mind for the time being...

Tumor- surgery- claustrophobia- doctor- decisions- consequence- regret- family- friends- boy friend?- help- dark- trust- silence- time- language IV- getting my degree- insomnia- holidays- baby- grandpa-

Too much for a little head,huh?