Coward

Several times I wished to disappear from earth but I don’t know why this is happening to me with frequency lately. If I have to be honest, I have to say I am not as brave as I thought (well…at least in some cases). The thing is that I got angry with myself because I don’t know how to fight with this feeling. I think I have gone through so many situations that were very difficult for me to face, but the things that I consider difficult to face are the easiest for any human being, and it is to socialise.
Since I was a child I used to do the things by my own and if I had to play alone, I did it. When I was at high school, I was in three different private schools which made me the things difficult; I felt I could not establish a very strong relationship among my classmates. Even once, I spent five months without talking to any of my partners.
At university the situation got worse. Although meeting the typical competitive students who barely spoke to you or who rejected to lend you their notes if you missed one class, I met friendly people who helped you in everything. But my point is that I did not know how to go on in the conversations we had.
Here, at the institute, the things got better. I met people who I consider now as great friends but I noticed I still have that feeling of running away and hide under a rock when things do not result as I want, what I think it is frequent to happen, but what I don’t think it is frequent is to be so coward about so common situations. And this worries me because in an upcoming future I will have to make good relationships with my future colleagues and I do not know how to overcome this.