My Grandfather

I’d like to introduce you one of the funniest person I’ve ever met: My grandfather.
He is very short and slim. His hair is white and his got wrinkles on his face. He is so tiny that you want to carry him on your pocket.
What’s really admirable is his sense of humour as he’s about to reach his eighty-fives and he loves making jokes and most of his time he’s smiling at everyone. Unfortunately, he’s ill, he’s got arteriosclerosis, and because of this disease he mixes his memories from the past and the present, and sometimes he tells stories about things that never happened and there are times in which he doesn’t recognize us.
Something else that really causes me pain is to see how much my father suffers (as we all do) because he sees that his father is getting older and he may be a bit angry sometimes. He lives with his wife, who told us several times that she can’t stand anymore, and she attempted to abandon him, which would be the end for him. My grandfather is so dependant. I think he wouldn’t be able to live without her. In his past and his present (and even in the events that he has in his mind, but never happened), she’s always present. I can’t imagine what could happen if she leaves him…
Anyway, I can say I thank God everyday of my life for having him. He’s quite older now, and I’m aware of the fact that nobody knows how long he will be with us. The only thing that I know is that I’ll enjoy every minute I spend with him.

Faith

I’m a Catholic person. I have faith in God and nobody or nothing is gonna take that away from me. Perhaps the only thing that I’m quite sure in my life is about my faith in God. I like going to church but I’m not a regular church-goer. The few times a year that I go to church I feel better after the ceremony (though I don’t really understand why I don’t go there regularly). One of the reasons could be the fact that when I’m saying the prayers, every time I mention the part “and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us”, I feel I’m lying to God and I’m lying to myself either.
I can forgive people because I know I also make mistakes and I’d like to be forgiven for that. We all deserve a second chance, but there are limits. There are things that can’t be forgiven. There are people who would not deserve to be forgiven. I can’t forgive and forget. People can hurt you a lot and it won’t be fair to make them the things easier. It’s not easy to forget…
Of course that I’m talking about people who have done too much damage to a person (because I don’t wanna be misunderstood), there a things that can be solved with a talk, and it’s not that easy. So I feel I’m not being honest with God, and another reason for not going frequently to church is that I feel he knows what I’m doing (well, of course he knows). He knows I’m lying to him. He knows I’m not gonna change that feeling and I feel guilty. Will he forgive me for that?... I don’t know… probably he will, and that makes me feel guiltier…

Exams

I’m just about to sit for an exam. Well, in fact, I have two subjects from second year waiting for me. I was quite disillusioned about myself for still having those subjects. I was supposed to get my degree this year and I was also supposed to be teaching training at the last year of my career, but here I am…
The anxiety is enormous. I can’t wait to be finally tested. Just God knows how much I hate to be tested. My routine changes every time I have an exam. I can’t sleep very well, I eat everything I find eatable and my hormones are crazy; my mood changes all the time and it’s not easy for me to deal with it. I’m afraid to fail. I don’t want to fail. Damn it… if I could avoid them. Some times I’m too confident and I tend to believe I’m invincible, and there are times in which I feel disappointed about myself and I think I will never achieve my aims. I feel like I’m walking on a rope and I’m afraid to fall. I’m always afraid of that…

The Past

Don’t you think it would be great to let behind all those bad things that happened to you in the past and just move on with your life?... I know it may sound stupid but I’ve always thought it would be wonderful to put your bad memories in a bag and then throw it away so they never come back. It would be fantastic… don’t you think?... But that’s not possible. They will always be present to let you know who you are. If you made mistakes, you will learn from them; if you suffered, you’ll become stronger and if you had great moments, you’ll remember them with a smile. Your past is part of your present and your future, and somehow you have to learn to live with it. No matter how much it hurts. The past will help you to remember you every day of your life the person you wanna be now…

Light days

I’m accustomed to staying awake till three or four am listening to music, reading something or chatting with friends and in the morning I get up early, avoiding going out from home as I detest the daylight. Don’t ask me why, I just know that it hurts my eyes and I find it annoying. So as you will see, I rather prefer nights…
Just a few days a month I feel willing to “face the daylight” and every time I do it, I really enjoy it. I sit in my garden with the sunshine on my face and I breathe deeply. Now that it’s winter I love this sensation. Listening the singing of the birds and feeling my nose cold as a consequence of the light breeze. Having all these feelings in those moments, I think about how I thank God for having everything I have; my family, my dear friends, my great classmates, my career, my lovely pets and my precious love. I just feel I’m in peace with myself. Perhaps I’m talking nonsense but this sensation comes from time to time so I had to write about it.

Negation

I don’t know why I am quite pessimist about almost everything in life. But don’t get me wrong, I just have negative attitudes only towards me. When I’m with friends or relatives I try to be as positive towards life as I could with them or about things related to them, but it happens to me that I can’t have another vision about my life. If something good happens, I know there will be something bad that will come then. When someone likes me, I know beforehand that it won’t worth. Perhaps it’s fear, but I feel like there always be something bad waiting for me which won`t allow me to enjoy a hundred percent of the good moments. There’s always a "but" for everything I do.
Hundreds of times I`ve tried to think about future and the good things that may come with it, but always the past appears in these thoughts and makes me do some steps backwards, trust me when I say that I do try to let out all the bad things that happened to me but somehow they come back. It is as if I walk one step to the front but then I go back others two. But it’s strange for the reason that these negative thoughts have nothing to do with my career. I try to improve all the time with a lot of effort and being responsible so in the future I can be a good teacher and my students learn something from me. This only has to do with my personal life, which has been quite complicated.

Just a dream?

I tend to be a little absent-minded sometimes. It’s difficult to remember names, faces, dates, etc that some people get mad with me because of it (though those who really know me know that I have short term memory)…However, apart from the fact that I’m a bit exaggerated with this, I have to say that there are things that happened to me but I can’t remember them.
According to my mum, when I was seven years old I almost die from pneumonia because of my baby-sitter’s lack of attention. Apparently, my nanny was not very good with me and she never looked after me. She warned me not to say anything and she made me believe that if I did it, I would be severally punished. My mum says that when I was very ill, I was talking nonsense because of the high fever and it was when I told her all the things that the nanny did to me. After that, my older sisters said the same. The thing is that I can’t remember those moments. Perhaps it’s because I was afraid but it worries me cause there’s another moment in my life (that it wasn’t one of the best) in which I have had dreams about it, or let’s just say that they are nightmares, things that would change my view towards life if they never happened. My memories and my dreams are mixed and I don’t know what the reality is. I don’t have anybody who can help me as at that moment I was alone. It’s awful to know that you don’t know but the worst of this situation is that I’m not really sure if I do wanna know what happened cause I’m not sure I’m ready to face it.

Be or not to be kind?

Oscar Wilde said once a little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. Do you think so?
At school and at home we are taught at early age that we have to be kind with people in general, but what do we do when someone dislike us?...Well, it would be great to tell and do exactly what you feel and think, no matter the consequences. But in this world things are not that simple. People reject to the idea of being realistic and face the truth. Is it that we are not still accustomed to honesty?...I don’t think so. Perhaps we are afraid of hurting people’s feelings, but how long will you be able to stand people who bother you?. In my case, I try to be as much patient as I can but in some cases I feel I’m being cynical. I try to avoid certain situations but God knows he’s testing my patience.
However, my point is that we do not have to be nice just because of the simple fact of being nice. You need a reason for that. But don`t get me wrong with this. I`m not saying you have to be rude with the person who bothers you, but to be honest with your feelings and not pretend everything is ok when it isn`t.

My Family (first part)

Living with my family is not one of the easiest things for me. Trust me when I say this. It requires of a lot of patience but in certain moments it can be quite difficult.
I live with my parents, three sisters and one brother.
What can I say about my father?. I love him so much that I hate the way he complains about everything. If there’s something out of its place, he makes a huge tragedy of it and he worries me as he has blood pressure’s problems and this could be bad for him. Besides that, he’s quite negative about almost everything, so imagine such a combination of grumble and negation!. On the other side it’s my mother. Let me tell you our mother-daughter relationship is quite special. We both have gone through difficulties in our relationship but we still love each other so maybe that’s why we can overcome our problems. The thing is that she has some attitudes that are difficult to deal with, and one of them is that she barely listens to you when you have something important to say. Besides, she has her favourite ones, so it’s even more complicated to have her attention even for a while. In many opportunities I’d have loved sharing with her important things that happened to me, but she cared about something else. Perhaps that’s our problem, that whenever we have the opportunity to establish a good relation, there’s always something else between us. However, I think she’s a great mum. I always had what I needed. She has worked really hard for it and I really thank her for that, but if she only knew the only thing I need is just a hug from her…
Changing the subject, I have a love-hate relationship with my brother. He’s seven years younger than me and he’s the typical kind of adolescent who’s surrounded by technology and can’t live without them and neither he lets us live in peace. He’s always asking for a new cellphone, new games for his new playstation 2 or new programmes for the computer; and now he wants a motorbike for his eighteenth birthday. It’s so tiring to deal with him!. The worst thing is that I hate spoilt kids like him and I can’t stand situations in which he’s completely claiming for stupid things. Things that won’t help him in the future. He’s so smart that I hate the way he spends so much time on these things instead of studying or doing something useful for him. Anyway, I’m also conscious that it’s not his fault at all. My parents are also partly responsibly. However, when he is not so childish, we spent great moments together.

My Family (second part)

My little sister is sixteen and she’s the kind of girl who is always doing something to make you smile. She’s so innocent and naïve at her age that sometimes it worries me she may be harmed. I’m worried about it because I see she suffers when someone gets mad with her or if she argues with someone. I’m afraid someday she misses her innocence or that she be influenced by her friends and stops behaving in the way she does. It is as I’d like to put her on a bubble and not let her go out. I know it sounds crazy but I just feel that I need to protect her from I don’t know what…
My older sister is older than me and she’s the kind of person whom I can always count with. I know whatever I need I can ask her. I know I can trust her and if I do something wrong she makes me see my mistakes. She is great giving advices but perhaps we have different points of view about life. She has lived surrounded by “the good things” and perhaps that’s why she’s so positive, and everything is ok, and she can see a wonderful future, etc., etc
And finally, my oldest sister is just exactly like Beth in Louisa May Alcott’s novel “Little women”. She is twenty-seven years old and she has no friends, no social life and she prefers staying at home doing the housework. She’s rather special. She seems to be quite fragile and I would say she lives in a bubble. She gets nervous if she has to talk to any stranger. Her voice starts to tremble and most of the times she tries to avoid these situations. She is so innocent and fragile, incapable to hurt anybody that she also worries me. I don’t know how to help her. In any moment she would have to face this world and it would be hard to get accustomed. It would be hard to deal with it. Besides, I’m worry about her future. What will she do when my parents don’t be with her? How would she manage by her own?. She’s so dependant from my parents that it also makes me feel angry about her attitudes.
Anyway, the thing is that sometimes I feel I am the big sister, the oldest one. Most of the times I take responsibilities that don’t concern me. Sometimes I had to act like the mother or father of my siblings; or like the sort of negotiator of my parents, and I realized I’m not enjoying my own life. I’ve been so busy trying to arrange these family’s issues that I never think about my own life. Perhaps it’s because I always thought if I didn’t do something, this family would have come down…

Child labour in Tucuman

Walking on the streets in our province it’s common to find children working. On the avenues, you can see them when the traffic lights are in red. Little children or teenagers cleaning the windscreens and they are paid a few coins for their jobs.
If you are constantly visiting bars and pubs, you will find kids going around those places very late at night selling candies, flowers or just leaving cards on your table for you to cooperate while their parents are waiting for them near these places to control the earnings their children provide to them. Some of these children are carrying their little baby siblings and with this picture you feel blame of giving or not some money to them. One the one hand, you know that if you go on giving them money, you’re encouraging their parents to go on making their children work, when it is their responsibility to do it. But on the other hand, if you refuse to give them money, you know these kids may be severally punished for it. And it is something difficult to realize, but I think I can’t find a proper solution. It really makes me angry to see so many children working on thee streets when they should be studying at schools or playing at home. Enjoying their childhood, not working. They are being exposed to several dangerous situations at night, and nobody is doing anything for them. Politics do not pay attention to this situation. They are too busy preparing their political campaigns for the coming elections so child labour is an issue which would be still on agenda until the state be finally conscious of the damages that they are causing to these children’s lives. I hope it won’t be late.

Competition

I wonder why is it that you are at some point in your career that you start noticing that there are some people who are extremely competitive and the most interesting part is that they won’t be happy with their achievements and improvements but with your failures.
Some people could say it is competition. Well, I think these attitudes like arrogance, individualism, envy and jealousy are the typical qualities for that kind of people. They’re not just interested in having great notes, they seem to want you to be stuck in the career, so the rest of people applause them and congratulate them. It would be like the more I’m doing better, the more I want you to get worse. They seem to be constantly looking for approval and if they would have the opportunity of making you disappear, they will do it. But don’t get me wrong with what I’m saying. I’m not like them. I don’t envy them. If they are going well, it’s fine and if they’re not going so well…what can I say?...it’s not the end of the world and I’m pretty sure they will do it better next time.
The thing is that this kind of attitudes makes me feel pity for some of them because I think their lives may be too empty and meaningless if they give too much importance to the things I mentioned before. There must be something missing in their lives to be so shallow…don’t you think?

Tattoos

Last week in our English Language class, there was one of my classmates who presented a topic about “Celebrities Worshipping” and one of the things she mentioned was about a person who had a tattoo of his celebrity and this led to a heated debate among some of my classmates. Some of them mentioned religion and the fact of accepting your body as God create you; some others talked about social stereotypes that had people and made them judge those ones who had a tattoo.
The thing is that I wasn’t in the class before that moment. I had too much things on my head, I was thinking about something else nothing related to the class, but when I heard what the discussion was about, I felt I had some many things to say but I felt unable to speak as I wasn’t paying attention before. Anyway…for the things I heard, I wonder, do tattoos are still being part of social stereotypes?, will they always be?... I hope not. I n my opinion, I could say it’s just a matter of choice. It has nothing to do with religion or social problems. I think it’s stupid to say that because you have one, you probably have mental problems. Can’t we think it is only because you want your body look different?. Maybe it’s because you want a nice draw on your body for the rest of your life and that’s all, or perhaps it’s that you want to show art on your body, which I think it`s an excellent reason.
I have to say I don’t wear any tattoos. The only idea of having something for the rest of my life makes it impossible, but I think they’re nice and I respect people who have them. I think this kind of prejudices should finally come to an end. As human beings, we have the freedom to choose and I thank God for that.

Facing the reality

For several years she had suffered. Of course she had been in love once, but her love became hatred when another woman appeared in the life of her loving man and he broke her heart. When this happened, she felt her world was coming down but never showed anything. She wanted to seem strong in front of her family and friends as she hated the idea of people feeling pity for that situation, but she cried alone at night and she regretted of having spent too much time of her life on a relation that was a completely lie. She suspected her boyfriend had something but she pretended everything was fine as she didn’t want to face the truth.
She felt she could not manage her feelings. She was too sad and depressed and she wanted to disappear from the earth or losing her identity. As she was quite depressed, her best friend suggested her going abroad for a while and she accepted. She travelled to different places and met interesting people.
After two years going from one place to the other, she came back home to move on with her life and to start doing something different. She felt she had changed and even everything seemed to have changed. Her family and friends missed her a lot but they respected her decision of going alone by her own. They knew there was little they could do about it and supporting her on her decisions was the best they could do for her.
One day, coming back home from her new job, she met her ex-boyfriend carrying his baby and right besides him, his wife…
They seemed to be the perfect family he always wished to have but for some reason she never wanted to talk about whenever it was possible. In that exactly moment she remembered the times when he talked about the babies they were going to have or the big house they were going to buy when they get married, but she never said anything about it, she avoid any conversation about future plans as she knew she would never be able to have a family because she was going to die.
It has always been very difficult for her to tell her boyfriend the truth but she couldn’t find the right moment to do it. She thought if she told him she was going to die he would leave her…but he leave her anyway without knowing anything about it…
She came to them and he was pale when he noticed her, He couldn’t believe his eyes; he thought she was more beautiful than she was before meanwhile she felt stronger now that she learnt he moved on with his life…If he did it, why not her?...suffering long time, for what?, for who?. Now she realized it was time to get it over, and one way of starting would be facing that situation. So she came to them with a big smile and said hi to both parents and kissed the baby. He seemed to be rather confused as he thought she wouldn’t have the courage to do it and besides that, she was too confident of what she was doing and she was not like that. She had changed and you could notice in her eyes. She was now completely sure of what she wanted to do. She wanted to enjoy each day of her life as if it were the last.

Sunday Afternoons

I think the most deppressing day is Sunday. Especially in the afternoons. You always have nothing to do but to sleep or to eat (well,at least in my case). Maybe you wonder how about watching television or listening to music...but what the hell!...Nothing, but absolutely nothing is more boring than a Sunday afternoon at home. If I decide to watch a movie on the dvd, I never see the end of it as I always fall asleep in the middle of the story and when I wake up and I realize that I lost half of the movie, I get angry and I never watch the end of the movie...
If I want to listen to music for a while it happens the same. But this happens for obvious reasons as most of the radio stations are depressing with their "retro" music. Don`t get me wrong when I say this because I love songs from that time, but the whole afternoon?...and night?. C`mon...there must be something interesting to do...

Rock bands

I love music in general, but I am a very fond of rock & roll music. International and national rock and I even like rock bands from Tucuman. Every band is special in some way; some are simply great, making wonderful music which is always a pleasure to hear something from them. Some others, apart from create excellent music for us, have characteristics that make you follow them. They are charismatic and humble and just want their music to be heard. And with this, I would like to make reference to a rock band from this province which I have seen the effort they have done to be recognized and all the difficulties they are overcoming in order to release their first album.
I met this band because of my friend, whose brother is the guitarist of the group, and when I heard their music and I paid attention to the content of their songs, which each of them has a story behind, I pretty much liked.
I try to go to every concert they do as I enjoy them. It is also noticeable how they are supported. They aren’t from our city, but they’re from Florida, and let me tell you how exciting and emotive is to see the amount of people who come from their town to support them. It is also quite significant to see the effort they do before every concert with relatives and friends helping them in whatever is possible. The thing is that the band has been together for almost ten years (they have been friends since they were children), and something they could not achieve was the recording of their first album, as doing this costs a lot of money.
Of course I think it is rather unfair this situation as every time I see them on their rehearsal or performing on their stage, it is noticeable their improvements. But partly, I think it is government’s fault as since they set a limit to the closure of discos at 4 a.m. Because of this damned law came out, they have no place to play and this happens not only with this band but with other bands that are having the same problems.
Unfortunately, Mr Alperovich thought that censorship in our province was the best solution in order to do something for the horrible murders and vanishings of people. He’d never admit it’s convenient for him the local bands do not have the possibility to express themselves. They always say what they think and what they see. They’re conscious of the current situation in our province, and they would not keep their mouths shut which is great, but it’s a shame that the provincial government be worrier for what a rock band may say about them rather than be worried for the citizens’ sake.

My Beloved Teacher

Today sadness invades my heart. I`m so hollow that I can`t describe what I`m feeling in this exactly moment. I feel a deep hole in my soul and I have something in my throat that I feel it hurts to breathe. I can feel the emptiness.Today I lost the best teacher I`ve ever had. She was more than a teacher, she was like a friend,like an inspiration. A whole eminence. Such a beautiful person. Full of energy and always encouraging us to follow our dreams no matter how difficult the things seem to be.
I met her in the summer of the last year. I was going to seat for an exam and she helped me a lot with it. Besides that, I shared wonderful moments with her. She was always telling us about attractive places she went or interesting stories in which she was involved. I would never forget when she told me the time she was in France in the events of May 68 and all the dangerous and at the same time funny moments she had gone through.
I also remember when she told me the time she met Randolph Quirk in a conference and how angry she left the room because she said Mr Quirk overestimated the teachers of our country (and besides that, he was bored). And another anecdote was when she told the time she was in the Globe Theatre and at the end of the play she was completely soaked as it was raining.
She had so many anecdotes to tell her students and personally, I enjoyed listening to her. She made her stories so interesting that I never wanted to stop listening.
But now she`s not here with us. She left us. Now finally she will be resting. Since she retired she had had students at home and she never seemed to be tired of them and she refused if any of us wanted to pay for her classes. She used to say she hated loneliness and she loved having her house full of students. She loved young people. Young people who wanted to learn more of the English Language but who also had the pleasure of learning more about her.
I shared beautiful moments with her and I feel really sad because I couldn`t say good bye. The last time I saw her was two months ago, when some of my classmates and I invited her to have lunch to thank her for helping us in an exam. I just know I would keep those moments in my mind and she will always be present in my heart.
I always admired the talent she had to teach and to make us understand some things that were so difficult for us. She motivated us all the time and never overestimated us. She supported our ideas (criticized them if it was necessary) and encouraged us to follow our dreams and not to give up.
She had travelled around the world and she knew about everything. Such an interesting person to know...and so humble and simple at the same time. She seemed to want to transmit her knowledge to us...
I would love to have known her before, anyway I`m happy to have met her because it was an honor for me. I hope when I become a teacher and finally graduate, to have just a little bit of what she had. She was a wonderful teacher and a beautiful person and I`m pretty sure she will be in the heart of every student who had the pleasure to have known her as she is the kind of teacher who will always be remembered with a smile and admiration.

Future teachers???

Last Tuesday I felt indignant with some of my classmates.
I’m taking sociolinguistics at 2nd year and that day we were supposed to present a research project about “Borrowings” in our language i.e. loan English words that have been incorporated in our mother tongue. The thing is that when the teacher asked about the project, one of my classmates who were in my group asked me the folder with the work and at that exactly moment I had a strange feeling that something bad was happening.
I told her I had left it on her desk the day before but she said she found nothing over there. I sent a text message to the other girl who was in my group but she didn’t have it either.
I wanted to believe they were playing a joke on me, but no. I asked our preceptor Gabriel if someone had left something at their office, but there was nothing there. I asked him because if you found something it’s not yours, you’re supposed to give it back to the person who owns or at least to give it to one of our preceptors. Well, I also asked each one of my classmates if they had seen a folder on my desk the day before but no one had seen anything. Then I had to go toward my teacher to explain the situation and she was as surprised as I was.
To be honest, the first thing that came to my mind was that I had lost the folder with the project (as I tend to be a little bit absent-minded sometimes), but I was pretty sure of what I did with it besides, it can’t disappear something from your desk (especially when there was another class following this one). Someone had to see it. Someone found or stole my work. And I know it’s wrong to judge beforehand, but as I said before, if you found something it’s not yours, you give it back to its owner. This is what it is taught at school and home, isn’t it?. And this kind of attitude makes me wonder what kind of teachers are going to be in charge of our children in the future. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that everybody behave in the same way, I’m just making reference to those ones who feel so desperate that try to ruin their own partners just to cover their asses.
I tried to look for all the justifications for this, and to calm down myself as I am quite angry about it, but I couldn’t find any one. I just know that I hope this person (or these people) try to realize that they are going to be teacher, and what kind of people would like to be, the kind of people who do their work with effort and responsibility despite of the little time they may have to do it, or those ones who will try to do whatever is possible to get what they want no matter if they ruin other people. C’mon guys, you’re gonna be future teachers, don’t you?. And please, do me a favour, just think about it. At least THINK of it.

This is one of the most beautiful songs I`ve ever heard...enjoy it!

Gut feelings

Has it ever happened to you to meet someone for the first time and at that exactly moment you feel you already know what the person is like?...well, this happens to me frequently and unfortunately, I was wrong in a few times. And I say unfortunately because when I have this sort of gut feeling I am predisposed to behave in a certain way with that person and not being just me. I am nobody to judge anyone or to say what is right or wrong, but I can`t help this sensation. I feel like I already know what is going to happen and I prefer avoiding some situations and let the things how they are.
I consider myself a good person but I know I have lot of defects which in some cases I try to correct them.
A few times I met people who I considered my friends, but then these people disappointed me by being cynical and dishonest. I`ve always been a direct person and whatever comes to my mind at a certain moment I say it without thinking, and perhaps that is why I seem to be unkind. But I prefer doing this rather than talking about people behind their backs. However, I think it is good giving opportunities and not being so defensive because I am not perfect and I know I make mistakes all the time and I`m sure I would like to have another chance if I do something wrong.